Dino DNA

4:56pm: COME SEE MY SHOW!!!

11:04pm:

2:53pm: Hurray for my friends!
Last night, the Dudes celebrated Christmas and the birthdays of Brandon and Nick, and it was good. We ate hella junk food, drank hella carbonated drinks, told hella stupid stories, made hella fun of Brad (sorry, dude, you weren't there...), and opened hella awesome gifts.

The pull (in no particular order):

Marvel Zombies vs Army of Darkness graphic novel
I am America (And So Can You!) by Stepehn Colbert
Cassette Player w/ Wham!, Prince, and Salt-N-Pepa tapes
Nick Swardson's Party album
Wolverine electronic toothbrush
Sweeney Sean t-shirt
Juan coffee mug (there was no Sean mug, so Juan was the next logical choice)
Air Puck Hockey set
home-made cookies
loads of candy

I seriously miss those guys and I hope the new year brings a lot more chances to hang out with them than the last year did. The only sad part was that Molly and Brad were not able to be there to have fun with us. I guess even when the power of the Dudes is present, though, this world still can't be a perfect place...but I bet that's as close to perfect as anyone could ever get.

3:54pm: BIG News!
Dudes,

This article was on Yahoo today:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071028/ap_on_fe_st/odd_bigfoot_in_pa

which included this picture:



Could this actually be Mr. Foot? If so, we seriously need to get on a plane to Pennsylvania as soon as possible!

3:22pm: I'm hella dumb now!
I just got all of my wisdom...

HOLD IT! Breaking news! I just saw Magneto/Gandalf stab Casey Jones in the back...WTF?!? Watch Apt Pupil...

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming:

...teeth removed this morning and, surprisingly, I feel pretty damn good, seeing as how the only medication I am on is Ibuprofen. Hopefully I will continue to feel better over the next couple of days, since I may be having to accept an award and give a speech (maybe) on Sunday night.

9:27pm: HOT ROD
...IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!

It is the best movie I have ever seen since Transformers!

The soundtrack is about 87% Europe songs. They pretty much use every Europe song ever made other than The Final Countdown, because they knew that would be too cliche. They even used Ninja...which is a song about a freaking ninja!

Seriously, this movie was everything I have ever wanted to make and a bag of chips...and then some...and then some more!!!

It was so amazingawesome that I almost feel that I don't ever need to make a movie because it has already all been done for me. But then again, it was so radicalneat that I feel inspired to go out tonight and shoot a movie without a script, or even a camera, BECAUSE i'M SO PUMPED i DON'T NEED ONE!

All in all, you should definitely see this movie if you haven't already, and if you have, go see it again...one hundred times more! But go see it tomorrow, because it may not be there on Friday...

11:49am: I went to Disneyland again...
First things first:
Do not wait in line for the new Nemo ride for 50 minutes...it ain't worth it!

Some other conclusions:
-CSU Fullerton looks like a lot of fun and is definitely at the top of my list.
-Three days at DL is almost too much, especially when rides break down (I'm talking to you, Space Mountain!) and old ladies give you attitude on the last night.
-Buzz Lightyear and Jungle Cruise guide are my top two choices of employment next year.
-Green Knight is my third choice.
-Fires on the grapevine should not be allowed.
-It should be acceptable to punch idiots in the face on Pirates of the Caribbean.
-That lady who slapped her kid in the face and then threw him face-first into a metal fence sucks.
-Fantasmic is all it's cracked up to be, and the pirate stunt show is highly underrated.
-Soarin' Over California is still the coolest ride concept ever.
-Despite all of its faults and nuisances, DL is still the happiest place on earth.

9:01pm: Update
So I went to Las Vegas and Disneyland. It was my first time to both places because I used to lead a very sheltered life. Here is some of what happened:

Brandon and I left early last Tuesday to the Oakland airport (also my first plane ride ever) to fly out to Vegas. It was a work trip, so we went right to work as soon as we stepped through the doors of the theater in the Palms; painting floors, scrubbing walls and chairs, and cleaning out hallways so that George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and Don Cheadle wouldn't get dirty on their way in and out of the auditoriums for the Ocean's 13 premier.

Both days we were there (Tuesday and Wednesday) we worked long hours, and fro the premiere we got all dressed up and played glorified crowd control games. I didn't get to see any of the Ocean's stars (although Brandon did, because he's a sneaky little cock sucker), but I did see Dennis Hopper, Chris Parnell, and a mildly convincing Snoop Dogg impersonator.

After work both nights, we went out and got drunk. We ate at Margaritaville on Tuesday and then got 190 Octane's at Fat Tuesdays. Wednesday, we went downtown to Rum Runner's and played shuffleboard for four hours and stayed out almost all night, which was really smart because we had to be at the airport at 9:30 in the morning.

Other than the drinking, we also partied hard with Mr. E and some of the other guys from work by going to ESPN Zone at New York, New York, and going to fire machine guns at a firing range downtown. That was a shitload of fun!

So I got back on Thursday, running on barely any sleep for the week, and went to Molly's to spend the night so that we could get up at 4am on Friday and drive to Disneyland. The car-ride there was amazing as always, even though I slept through a lot of it. We got to the park around 1pm and stayed until closing at midnight. We rode Pirates, the Haunted House, Indiana Jones, the Jungle Cruise, Thunder Mountain (my first roller-coaster-type ride since I was 10), Pinnocchio, Snow White, Small World, Star Tours, Astro Blasters, and the Rocket Ships, watched the parade, and then watched the fireworks show. We also ate dinner at the restaurant inside Pirates, which really wasn't all it's cracked up to be. While waiting for the parade, we saw David Arquette and Cortney Cox walk by with the kid and some friends. And as an extra bonus, I ran into Daryl, who I haven't seen for 2 years, while waiting in the Indiana Jones line.

On Saturday, we went to both DL and California Adventures, and hit the Matterhorn, Peter Pan, Mr. Toad, Alice, the Tea Cups, Toon Town, Soarin' over California, Mullholland Madness, the ferris wheel, the bee swings, the Bear rapids, Pirates and Indiana Jones again, the Tiki Room, a bunch of shows, Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Star Tours again, and then watched the Electric Light Parade. Molly got excited because she got to "meet" Lightening McQueen and Mater. I got pumped because I got my picture taken as Han Solo. Then we all got pumped when a group of old Asian ladies, who tried to push us and then push past us in line for Space Mountain, got stuck in the loading gate for the cars when the door closed on them. Altogether, we were in the parks from 8am to midnight. It was nuts.

On Sunday, we just took it easy and finished up with Autopia, the pirate ship, Tom Sawyer Island, and another ride on Pirates and Indiana Jones. We never got to ride the damn Nemo ride because it didn't open until Monday (even though I recently heard they were letting random people on for preview rides on Friday), and Fantasmic was down because the Mark Twain was being painted, so Molly and I decided we would go back in August.

Sunday night we went to Molly's cousin's graduation.

Monday we drove back and went to our first rehearsal for as You Like It (which runs in July, by the way) and tried not to fall asleep during the read-through.

All in all it was a good trip, with a lot of popped cherries for me, and a crap load of pictures that I won't post below because you can just visit my myspace sometime soon to look at them. And a huge thank you to Molly, whom I love very much, and her family, for inviting me along and paying most of my way.

10:55pm: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Dammit!

I hate Lost.

It is the best show ever.

Fuckinfuckfuckfuck...

11:10am: One Man Star Wars Trilogy
...is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. I went last night with Molly and laughed out loud almost the entire time. I don't think I've laughed that much since the founding of Dudetown. I felt like a little kid and I wanted to go back stage and meet him afterward, but I couldn't. I just wanna say though, that if you even remotely like any of the Star Wars movies and you get a chance to see this show, do it! It was worth far more than the $20 tickets I bought.

12:22am: Today was a lot of fun.
I picked up Molly and brought her over to hang out...and still got my rough draft done for my Movement final.

I performed my final Showcase...and had to learn an extra scene because some jerk-ass in my class decided not to show.

I met Robert Kirkman...and got an amazing picture with him.



Today was a lot of fun.

2:18pm: My Underpants
I am in the middle of the first act of the last show of our run of The Underpants...and I kinda have to poop right now, but that will have to wait.

This show has been the most insanely fun thing I have ever done in my life, even though I was extremely ill for two weeks with mono and injured with bruised ribs for this last week.

Thank you very very much to all of those that were able to make it out and see it, and for those who weren't, I have a bootleg copy of my scenes in the process of being made, so don't worry.

1:13pm: Happy Easter
I'm dying.

I have been sick for 9 days staright now, and it just keeps getting worse.

I had to quit my other show in Concord so that I can take a break and get better. I feel lame for that.

I feel like a poop from a pig butt that has been shoved back up a fish's anus, grilled on a rusty out-door bar-b-q, dropped in the sand, and then thrown into a port-a-potty.

4:55pm: MY SHOW OPENS THIS WEEK! COME SEE IT!
So I'm hella sick right now.

I've been sick all weekend, which was nice since I had eight-hour rehearsals for Underpants both Saturday and Sunday. I was supposed to have my first rehearsal for Much Ado today, but I called in sick for that, work, and school like the pussy that I am.

I have pretty much slept all day, having dreams about fighting giant monsters alongside all the superheroes of the DC Universe and waking up in the weirdest positions, with pillows over my head and with various body parts still asleep.

Right now, my whole body feels like it is on fire, in the sun, on the dessert planet Arrakis, also known as Dune. Which is really cool, because just a few minutes ago, it felt like I was frozen in a block of ice on Hoth with no Tauntaun to cut open and crawl inside of (in a bad way). That's all good though, because I hear that shivering in a pool of your own sweat is actually quite healthy, not to mention refreshing.

Molly is on her way over though, and I'm gonna help her with her math, and in return she is going to take care of me. I love her.

7:12pm: Somethingurbia
I went to the Sacramento Zoo today with Molly. It was fun. There was an angry monkey that was masturbating. Seriously. He was jacking off and yelling at some kid. Then the lemurs kept jumping around because they like to move it, move it. And the OCD otter kept running laps and ignoring the kid that was meowing at it.

Then we went to Arden Fair Mall and went window shopping. I was trying to train Molly for when she is poor and can't afford anything, so buying was not an option. I could tell it was complete torture for her. That was not unexpected.

The most exciting part of the day, however, was when I was taking a shit at Nordstroms and two different people walked in on me while I was on the toilet. I mean, I checked the lock and everything, and it seemed to work, but I guess it didn't. Oh well. Shit happens.

5:38pm: BAM!
This is the best commercial of all time!



If you disagree, then just let me know when you want to fight.

5:00pm: Ahem...
For those of you who haven't heard yet, i had an audition and callback this week for a play at Solano called The Underpants.

It's a farce written by Steve Martin about a woman who is hanging laundry outside her window during a parade day and her underwear fall down, and then two guys see her cooter. These guys get hella horny and rent out a room in her house from her husband. Her husband flips out and acts like his world is ending the whole time. Then he tries to sleep with the lady that lives upstairs.

Anyway, it's fucking hilarious and I'm playing the fucking husband, so you all better tell hella people and come see that shit in April.

Also, I am making a public promise to my girlfriend that, even though rehearsals are going to take up a lot of my time, I will always make sure to make time for her. So no worries.

2:10am: My girlfriend is amazing!
This is an update to le you all know that my girlfriend, Molly, is fucking awesome. She is the best. In fact, for those of you in the know, she is Rico Best. Yeah, that's right, I said it...Rico Best.

So, just to recap: Molly, Amazing, Fucking Awesome, Rico Best.

12:36am: My Merry Christmas
So I decided that since today was Christmas and I had no obligations, I would totally eat a bunch of shit all day and see if I could make myself sick. It really helped that I got a crap-load of candy this morning and we had ham for dinner.

Here is a list of what I can remember eating:
-3 pieces of bacon
-half a box (15-20 pieces or about 5 ounces) of raspberry jelly filled milk chocolate sticks
-10 chocolate French truffles
-1 Ferrero Rocha ball
-3 spicy smoked sausage sticks
-1 chocolate covered cinnamon Altoid
-half a bottle of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Shake
-2 sweet potato biscuits
-1 serving of some potato and swiss cheese stuff
-1 serving of some sort of quiche with bacon and ham in it
-an immeasurable amount of ham
-1 Coke
-1 peanut butter brownie
-a small fries
-a small Dr. Pepper
-1 Spicy Chicken Sandwich
-1 Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger
-2 regular tacos

About halfway through the Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger, while sitting in Jack in the Box in Dixon at 11:30 pm, I realized I had reached my goal for the day, so I crammed the rest of the burger and the two tacos down my throat and sped home. I shat for one whole half hour and now I feel better.

10:12pm: I'm dying again
Dear whomever stole my immune system,

Give it the fuck back!

This is the fourth time in two months that I have been ridiculously sick, and I am definitely getting sick of it. So, I mean, seriously give me back my health within the next couple of days, and there won't be any problems. If, however, I am still sick by this weekend, some shit is gonna go down, and I can't make any promises as to whose testicles/ovaries will be safe from harm.

Respectfully yours,
Me

8:35am: To Sal
I saw a movie last night about Vampires. I think the title had something to do with Dark Alley Chronicles or some shit. The opening credits were amazing.

12:40pm: Amazing Adventures
Last night I went to Candy Cane Lane with Josh, Molly, and Morgan.



It was pretty fun, despite the wind and some rain. My favorite house was the one that had an American flag made out of Christmas lights. I mean, those people were obviously the smartest on the entire block.

Although that was fun, none of us felt quite satisfied with the evening, so we went to San Francisco for no reason at all.

When we got there, we all had to pee, so we went to the Four Seasons hotel. There was some sort of huge party (maybe a wedding) going on there with lots of rich looking people and a bunch of limos parked outside. We looked like wet, homeless, college kids, so we went inside and went pee anyway. We made sure to take lots of pictures inside and look as stupid as possible.

Then we went to a park.



We danced and played and climbed on shit.

There was a cathedral across the street and we wanted to break in, but they refused us sanctuary. I stabbed myself in the foot with the spikes in the gate. That shit went all the way through my shoe, so I stole some flowers from their garden and gave them to a couple of extremely unappreciative ladies.

After climbing all over the front of the church and acting like gargoyles, and then sneaking through the jungle and acting like velociraptors, we decided to go to the beach.



I took my clothes off at the beach again.

I put my clothes back on and we went to the pier. Nobody was there but some lazy-ass sea lions, so we decided to head back to the car. That's when the shit hit the fan.

As soon as we started back to the car (which was about a mile away) it started to poor. It didn't just rain a little bit. This shit was like HK2 shit. And for some reason I was only wearin a t-shirt and jeans.



We kept having to sprint from shelter to shelter until we finally made it back to the car, where I changed into my Jim Fierce pants and a dry jacket.

The rain let up as soon as we got into the car, so we decided to keep going. I made a bunch of illegal car moves until we ended up at the Presidio where Lucasarts is located. We looked into the windows and tried to find secrets and/or George Lucas himself. We found neither, so we went to Robin Willimas's house and I stole some more flowers.

We took the long way home and Josh and Morgan fell asleep in the back seat wrapped in my TMNT blanket, while Molly and I laughed at Mitch Hedberg and sang Journey songs.

It was fun.

6:21pm: "Can I give you a hug? Is that allowed?"
HA!

Shut the fuck up.

1:16pm: DAMMIT, NOLAN!!!!!!!!!
WHEN IT'S FOURTH AND HALF AN INCH INSIDE THE FIVE, YOU GOTTA GO FOR THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who the hell kicks a fucking field goal in that situation?












FUCK!

12:53am: Does anybody have access to a tow truck?
Because I seem to be stuck in a rut, and I've been sitting in it for over six months.

I'd like to get out now.